Reduce petroleum prices now or no s3x for our husbands:Women in Volta Region

A big problem is about to torment the lives of men in the Volta Region as the current increment of petroleum products in the country is about to reduce the way their waists dance or even eliminate the dancing of their waist at night.

A women group in the Volta Region has complained bitterly about the prices of petroleum products and their husbands' inability to do anything about it.

They mentioned that their husbands have to talk to the president to keep the prices intact or they will never chop from their 'golden pot' again.

They concluded by saying if their men try to have s3x with any 'side chick', their p3nis will vanish by the special help of the Nogokpo gods.

We will use the new sexuality education to produce p0rn stars hence reducing unemployment: NPP

Ghanaians have become extremely bitter about the government's decision to introduce sexuality education in basic schools.

Much to the dislike of the populace, the NPP government is adamant to see to the implementation of this policy.

In one of their statements, they mentioned that Ghanaians should rather be proud of this government because the introduction of sexuality education will reduce unemployment in the future.

They mentioned that,  great p0rn stars will be born out of this policy and when the money starts coming,  Ghanaians would be proud of them.

I will pay off all loans owned by teachers if I'm elected again: John Dramani Mahama

Loan companies have become best friends of teachers not because teachers are business owners but due to the fact that most teachers can't meet their basic  needs with their Salaries alone.

Due to the above fact,  the former president of the republic of Ghana during a press conference has mentioned that, he will look for ways to help teachers pay off their loan if only they will vote for him in 2020 to be the president.

He also added that he loves teachers so much and will do everything to make them happy if he's given the chance to lead this country again.

Make me the running mate or I quit NDC: General Mosquito

The General secretary of National Democratic Congress, Asiedu Nketia also known as General mosquito during a press conference has mentioned that he is the most suitable person for the role of the running mate of the NDC.

He also added that,  some people in his party don't want to see him become their running mate due to his smallish nature.

He concluded that he will be left with no other option than to quit his NDC membership if he's not given the chance to be the running mate of John Dramani Mahama.

He asked the Journalist present to name any person in the NDC better than him for that role.

GES to start using Chinese syllables.

To the surprise of many Ghanaians, the Gana Education Service has announced that, from next academic year, teachers will start using the Chinese syllables to teach in Ghana.

The government noted that, most Ghanaian Students do not possess the required skills and knowledge that will make them functional after school due to the poor nature of our syllables hence the need to introduce the Chinese syllables.

They also mentioned that, they hope with the introduction of the Chinese syllables, Ghanaian pupils will be able to manufacture toys, phones and other stuffs the Chinese are noted for doing.

We at http://alakpator.blogspot.com/ will follow this new development closely to keep you updated.

National Association of Witches to Build their Own National Cathedral.

                                     


The National Association of Witches in a press statement released online has stated that, they have secured a plot of land and are ready to commence work on their own National Cathedral.

They mentioned that, unlike Christians who had the government supporting them in their project, they will be doing it without any external support.

The Cathedral of the Witches as it will be called is expected to be the biggest in Africa and will be located just opposite the one that is been built by the Christians in the country.


The National President of the witches who spoke with his face fully covered and refused to mention his name stated that they will use just one month to finish the project because they will be using spiritual powers and other form of rituals to aid their work.


He concluded by saying that the beauty of their cathedral will make a lot of people beg them to be in their association.

We at alakpator will keep you updated on this development.

Angel Obinim asked me to stop One district One factor project-Nana Addo

One of the many promises made by President Nana Addo before his election into power was to provide every district with a factory. This news was received by many Ghanaians with happiness because it will provide employment opportunity to many youth in the country.

During a 'special' interview with http://alakpator.blogspot.com/ President Nana Addo has mentioned that Spiritual President and an angel of the most high Obinim has appeared in his dreams to stop the One district One factory project with immediate effect.

He mentioned that, the angel of the Lord told him  some Ghanaians are planning to sabotage the 1D1F so he should put a hold to it with immediate effect.

The president concluded by saying that he can only continue the project if Angel Obinim has granted him the permission to do so.

Government workers to receive Gh500 housing allowance from next year- Akuffu Addo.

The president of the republic of Ghana Nana Akuffu Addo in a Christmas message to the country has started that, due to the high cost of living in the country and other factors that makes living in the country very difficult, He has decided to add Gh500 to the monthly salary of government workers to ease the pressure on them.

He mentioned that, most Ghanaian workers find it difficult to pay their rent and have to turn their attention to loan companies with high interest rates for help.

He added that he feels very sad about this unfortunate situation of his workers and sometimes have to cry for his workers because he feels their pains.

He concluded by telling Ghanaians to have faith in his government because he will make sure government workers will become rich before the end of his term of office.

BREAKING NEWS: Government Propones Christmas to January 5th.

It is the usual routine for Christians to celebrate Christmas on the 25^th of December. The day is set aside to remember the birth of Jesus Christ. Christmas brings along a lot of marry making and families usually get happy during this day.

 To the surprise of many, the government has just released a statement stating that they have proponed Christmas celebration to the 5^th of January,2019.

The government has stated economic hardship and inadequate food in the market as basics for this hence it’s decision to call off the Christmas celebration for this year.

The government has however promised to make everything possible to make food available to everybody on the 5^th of January for people to enjoy the celebration.

They sincerely apologize to the citizenry for any inconvenient this may cause them.

Leaked Message between Nana Addo and John Mahama.

Mahama calls Nana three times but he didn’t pick. He finally picks when he tried the fourth time.

Mahama: Hello Nana

Nana Addo: Please it will be better if you call me His Excellency. I hope you are fine.

Mahama: I no go mind u. I’m very fine and will like to engage you on some issues that will be of benefit to our country.

Nana: I’m all ears and please be fast about it.

Mahama: Masa stop rushing me. It is today way I no dey there but God no die.

Nana: hahaha will give you the seat in 2030.

Mahama: oo masa stop that joke. If you dey there to 2030 then what me plus my family go chop? Now back to my main concern for the day. Don’t you like Guinea Fowl meat?

Nana: of course I like it a lot. Why that question?

Mahama: Why you for bring Guinea Fowl matter that Ghanaians have forgotten about?

Nana: Like you no mention issues on drones I wouldn’t have mentioned it.

Mahama: Charley give me something for the chrismas I beg. I dry up waa. Even my side chicks dey worry me.

Nana: Have you heard of NABCO?

Mahama: Yes. What about that?

Nana: If you want money just apply and start work.

Mahama cuts the call at once.

Nana: hello, hello… Bawomia I beg give me my cup of coffee to start the day with.

I will make teachers rich in my second term. John Mahama

The former president of the republic of Ghana who has served only one term of his constitutional two term before been voted out has stated that he will make teachers rich in his second term of office as the president of Ghana.

He made this known when he picked up nomination forms to contest on the ticket of the National Democratic Congress as a presidential hopeful.

He mentioned that he was not very proud the way he treated teachers when he was the president and want them to give him the second chance to make them the richest public sector workers in the country because he is going to really pay them well and make them the centre of his development of the country.

He also added that, if voted as president, people will respect teachers again as their pocket will be filled with money every month and people will rush to join the teaching profession.

We at http://alakpator.blogspot.com/ can only wish the former president the best.

Bawumiah can never be the flag bearer of NPP - John Agyakum Kuffour.

The former President of Ghana H.E John Agyakum Kuffour told some party executives that there is no way the vice president can be allowed to stand on the ticket of the NPP.

He mentioned that, Bawumiah is too young and is not appealing to the old and will make the masses not to vote for them if they do that mistake.

‘I think that we should make certain things clear to Ghanaians. I am not doing this because Bawumiah is a muslim or because he is from the north. Bawumiah will be a flag bearer in the future but I don’t think he is prepared to move the party and the country in the right direction if Akuffo  Addo decides not to contest for the 2020 elections`.

Bawumiah is a good man, a hard working member of the party but there are other senior colleagues who are very active and have contributed towards the success of the party and must be considered first.

 I will not mention the name of anybody that I think will be best to contest on the ticket of the NPP if Akuffo  Addo decides not to run for the presidency again but Bawumiah is certainly not the one to lead us.

Some of the executives disagreed with the former president but allowed the old man to make his suggestion since they don’t want to be in his bad books.

Legalize Homosexuality or I will sack Ghanaians in USA- Donald Trump

One of the biggest issues in the country is on the legalization of Homosexuality and a lot of Ghanaians are kicking against it with the motion that Ghana is a religious country and will not condone to the pressure from external forces to make it legal in the Country.

The president of United State of America whiles interacting with a section of Ghanaians in Chicago, have told them that his government will be left with no option than to let them go home if Ghana is not ready to legalize homosexuality.

‘If you are a religious country and cannot legalize homosexuality then I don’t see the need to accept you in my country’. He concluded by saying he will only consider Ghanaians who are homosexuals and also believe the act is not a bad one to stay in his country.

We from Alakpator.blogspot.com are yet to contact the president of Ghana to comment on this development.

I will vote for NDC- Kennedy Agyapong

One of the biggest critiques of National Democratic Congress is Honorable Kennedy Agyapong a Member of Parliament for Assin Fossu. He is well known for his ‘no nonsense’ analysis and has proven to be one of the financial backbones of his party the National Patriotic Party.

According to a link audio circulating online, the Honorable Member of Parliament was heard telling some of followers that, the government have not performed so far to his satisfaction so he is going to vote for the NDC in the next elections.

He mentioned the high cost of living and the government inability to increase the wages of the public sector workers as the reason for his decision to vote for the biggest opposition party in the coming elections.

He concluded by saying that it is better to be in opposition and have the ordinary Ghanaian living a better life than be in power and see the masses suffer.

Rawlings will never like me because I took his girlfriend-Mahama

It's no news that Rawlings was one of the strongest critics of the NDC during the reigns of late president Atta Mills and later in the administration of former president Mahama. The criticisms of his own party during these periods have made people to question his love for his party and so, many political analysts have even concluded that the Rawlings of old with much love for his party can never be the same.  

During an interview with BBCC radio in London the former president was asked the reason behind Rawlings ‘hatred’ towards him and the party. His answer was that of a shock. ‘You know, Rawlings was dating one voltarian called Akpene and was not treating her well so I proposed to the lady and she accepted.

Since that incident, Rawlings seems to find anything I do to be wrong but I’m not worried its bond to happen. You don’t expect your rival to like you’.

Mahama concluded by saying Captain Planet’s song Oye Obi girl is now his favourite song. ‘I play it every morning to motivate myself and shame my enemies’.

NDC is my husband’s personal property and we are taking it back- Nana Konadu Agyeman Rawlings.

Former first lady and the founder of National Democratic Party whiles on a visit to the Volta Regional capital Ho has told a group of her party faithful that, she is going to make sure that her Husband takes full control of his party.

She made the statement when a reporter at the mini rally asked her if she has plans of joining National Democratic Congress again. She told the gathering that, she is not going to join the party but she will make sure her husband takes the party back.

Asked how she is going to achieve that, she told her party members that, ‘you can’t take a strong woman in vein because she can use her power to get what she want. You see my husband loves my ‘tonga’ very much and I’m going to put an embargo on it until he takes full control over his party before he touches it’.

When I start that operation, it will only take him some few minutes to take control over his party because he can’t stay for a day without my ‘tonga’.

She concluded the meeting by asking the public to be bold and go for what they want without fear or intimidation.